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The Reproductive Story Project
Read a Story About the Project

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Permission To Grieve

When I met my husband we both knew straight away that we wanted to have children together and that being parents was going to play a huge part in our lives. I had just started my degree and was only 23, so we knew that we would wait a few years, but from day one we have openly talked about 'our kids'. What we would do, what we wouldn't do, what their names would be. Even today we were skimming stones on the beach and I was
telling my husband he would have to teach our kids how to skim. It permeates everything we do.

In my last year at university my best friend had her first baby and I went to a baby massage class with her. I was completely overcome and couldn't hold back the tears. I went home and said to my husband that I just wanted to throw caution to the wind - so what if I was in my final year - lets have a baby! He persuaded me to wait until I'd finished. Then we waited until I had finished my first year of teaching too and until our permanent Canadian residency had come through and we had full medicare cover here. All great reasons to wait, but I felt like I had been patient for so long and so when the medicare cards arrived in the mail
and we could finally start trying for a baby I was ecstatic! Now a year later (4 years after the deep unquenchable desire for a baby awakened in me) we are still trying and have made our first
appointment to see the doctor.

I was feeling like I shouldn't be this upset this early on. I was feeling desperately lonely and angry and defensive and (of course) surrounded by friends who are mothers and can't possibly understand. After reading your book, I now feel like I have permission to grieve. Understanding why I am feeling this as deeply as I am and hearing stories from other couples that show me we are 'normal' has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I now feel like I have the emotional strength to carry on to the next stage. Thank you.

— Kate McL

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  • About the Reproductive Story Project
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