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A Glimpse of Hope
January 2009 my pregnancy was confirmed. I went through the next couple months feeling every bit of the pregnancy: morning sickness, glowing skin, a growing baby bump etc... I went in for my second check up at about 10 weeks and the dr. couldn't find the baby. She had another dr. come in just to double check and that dr. also confirmed my worst fears- I had lost my baby. There were no signs of anything going wrong, there was no reason for what had happened, it came out of the blue and became a sudden and harsh reality.
I felt so alone sitting in that dr's office, even though the dr's were there trying to console my soul's grief. They told me this was not an unusual thing, that many women had experienced the same thing...as if that would somehow alleviate the pain.
I was scheduled for a D&C the following week and when I went in for the procedure, my dr. just gave me a prescription for "abortion" pills and told me to go home, take a few days off, and let my body do its thing. I ended up being in labor for 5 days and had to go through the traumatic experience of having to flush my baby down the toilet. My baby was "born" on March 12, 2009.
No one understood my grief, no one could comprehend my disappointment or fathom my charged emotions. I felt abnormal, my body was all out of whack, my hormones were imbalanced and I had no one to turn to that could understand what I was going through. After all, so many of my friends were ending up pregnant (and delivering) after not even trying.
Finding this website and reading other stories, I have found a glimpse of hope. Hope that somehow things will work out, hope that I am not abnormal, and hope that I am not alone.
— Leah S
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