“I feel so out of control. All I do is think about getting pregnant. Everyone else seems to be able to without any problems. But not me. I’m tired of being on this infertility treadmill tired of being poked and prodded and filled with hormones that make me feel awful. But I can’t quit; I’m too scared to stop.”
Emily, trying to conceive for 3 years
Emily expresses feelings that many of our clients share with us and we too know the frustration of being stuck on the infertility treadmill. You, like Emily, crave a baby more than anything else. The intensity of your longing is matched only by the complex emotional and medical maze you must navigate. You are left feeling not only frustrated and angry, but sad, frightened, confused, guilty, overwhelmed, and out of control.
You may find your mind racing as all you think about is having a baby. Or you may feel vague and distracted, and have trouble concentrating or remembering things. You may not be able to sleep, or you may feel like sleeping all the time. You may cry at the drop of a hat; you may explode easily. You may worry that you are going crazy. You may feel like a failure.
When you are diagnosed with infertility, the world as you previously knew it crumbles. No matter where you are in your journey if you’ve just been diagnosed, whether you are using drugs to produce more eggs, undergoing surgery, or trying the “old-fashioned way” to no avail your outlook on everything changes as you adjust to this crisis and what it means for your future and your dreams. The trauma of infertility is such that what you had taken for granted and expected is lost.
|Excerpt from: J. Jaffe, M. Diamond and D. Diamond, Unsung Lullabies, Understanding and Coping with Infertility, St Martin's Press, 2005. Copyright © 2004-2005 by the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All rights reserved.