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The Reproductive Story Project
Read a Story About the Project

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Because my best friend had gone through many years of painful and expensive ART before having their son, my husband and I, two years into our marriage, started trying to start a family with some knowledge of what could go wrong. We never truly believed, however, that we too might have fertility issues. My husband especially, calling me a worry-wart, was always the more optimistic, but as the months went by without success, even he began to fear the worst. After the requisite year of trying, we made an appointment to visit a fertility clinic. I worried that my knowledge of what could go wrong had somehow become a self-fulfilling prophesy! The day of our appointment at the clinic, however, I discovered I was pregnant. It was a miracle! We cancelled our future appointments, told our families and rejoiced. Then, a little over a month later, at nine weeks, we lost our precious twins. (Twins! We learned this amazing fact while having the ultrasound in the emergency room during the miscarriage.) Now it is another year later, and today my husband is in the hospital having surgery for varicoceles. We have learned that his sperm count and motility is so low that our pregnancy last year was truly miraculous. Although we are people of deep faith, we ask ourselves, why would God tease us with our "miracle twins", only to take them away? What was the point of such a short-lived, and ultimately denied, blessing?

As the months go by, it seems my bitterness is increasing instead of abating. My frustration level also increases knowing now that today's surgery will not result in any signs of improvement for another six to nine months. Even if we are able to conceive after this, I am still over a year away from holding a baby in my arms. It is an incredibly helpless feeling, and causes me to mourn my twins increasingly. People tell me that God is trying to teach me patience. I am trying to believe that God is not so cruel a teacher.

Thank you for your excellent book. I feel that every sentence has been written for me personally. I have already recommended it to another struggling friend - and I'm only on chapter two!

— Mary C.

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  • About the Reproductive Story Project