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Unsung Lullabies
Understanding and Coping With Infertility

Read the advance praise for Unsung Lullabies, Understanding and Coping With Infertility...

“Must reading for the thousands of people struggling with the pain of infertility.”

— Christiane Northrup, MD, author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom (Bantam, 1998) and The Wisdom of Menopause (Bantam, 2001)

Unsung Lullabies captures the emotional challenges of people dealing with their infertility in a particularly sensitive and comprehensive manner.  I think every reader with infertility can find hope and perhaps some peace through the stories of others as well as the recommendations and strategies that the authors offer.  That the authors have PERSONALLY felt the emotions and dealt with the issues discussed in this book is evident and makes it a unique offering among the books on the market. I would HIGHLY recommend this book as required reading for anyone with infertility, all who work with infertility, as well as the families of persons with infertility. Because of this more personal touch, I particularly recommend this as a beautiful guide for nursing staff of infertility clinics, and professional and volunteer support persons to help all be as helpful and understanding as possible.

— Marjut Herzog, Chapter President, RESOLVE of South Florida

Unsung Lullabies is an excellent read. The authors do a wonderful job capturing the complex emotions and issues involved with all aspects of infertility in a way the patient can relate to. I finally understand why I feel the way I do and so will anyone going through it who read this. After reading many technical and scientific infertility books this was such a refreshing change.

— Kristy Echelberger, President, RESOLVE of San Diego

“Thank you for the privilege to read this manuscript. I highly recommend Unsung Lullabies to anyone traveling down the difficult infertility path. No matter where one is currently at in this journey, it is valuable. One could be at the very beginning stages or at the end of resolving. I truly felt I was in a counseling session as I was reading it. The ‘you’ references helped to encourage the personal effect that is many times lost due to printed materials. So many times this process feels so lonely. Of the 12 years of my infertility struggle this is the first book of its kind.

— Lisa Huston, President, RESOLVE of Ohio

“This book provides for the lay public a much needed, clear and comprehensive review of the trials and tribulations of infertility. Drs. Martha Diamond, David Diamond and Janet Jaffe address the emotional impact of infertility on women, men and their relationships by vignettes of the life experiences of actual individuals.

Physiological, anatomical causes of reproductive difficulties as well as their medical treatments are described in a clear and concise manner. This is a new, creative approach that avoids psychological and medical jargon and makes the issues accessible to any reader.

With the increasing technological advances and, hopefully, reduced costs the number of people seeking new ways to reproduce will increase as will the need for information for the public that this book summarizes.  Unsung Lullabies will be helpful not only to those who are patients seeking parenthood but also to their families and friends.  It may also be helpful to professionals seeking better ways to explain these complexities to their patients.”

— Miriam Tasini, Compensated Professor of Psychiatry Department of Psychiatry UCLA Medical School; Chair North America Women's Committee of the International Psychoanalytic Association; Chair of a Study Group on Psychological Sequels of Artificial Reproductive Technology at the American Psychoanalytic Association Meetings (2000-2004)

“This book tells it like it is for couples who have struggled with infertility. With complex ideas and emotions presented in user-friendly language, this book gives language to the experiences of so many couples who unite, disintegrate or just drift apart when challenged with infertility. A must-read for all (both men and women!) who have ever waited around month after month for the news they are desperately hoping to hear.

— David B. Wexler, PhD, author of When Good Men Behave Badly: Change Your Behavior, Change Your Relationship (Harbinger, 2004); Executive Director, Relationship Training Institute

“As an OB/GYN nurse practitioner, I see couples in all phases of infertility diagnoses and treatment.  I am often the provider they see for initial evaluation.  Other patients see me for their routine exams during treatment by infertility specialists.  I may also see them as their treatment ends – with or without a pregnancy.  Women of all ages express their reproductive stories to me, many of which include feelings of guilt, inadequacy and lack of closure.

Unsung Lullabies addresses the feelings and concerns that couples experience during infertility treatment. The combined personal and clinical experience of the authors makes this a truly valuable resource. I would recommend this thorough, thoughtful book to couples in my practice, knowing it will be a great source of comfort and information.

— Lisa A. Clarke CRNP, MSN San Diego, CA

Unsung Lullabies is an insightful, sensitive, useful, easy-to-read resource for women and their partners experiencing infertility. It strikes the perfect balance between realism and hope as well as a balance between women’s needs and men’s. Too often men are overlooked in the whole matter. Reading this book will help men — and women — express themselves in their own voices and help the struggling couple through the turmoils they endure. Everyone who knows someone who is experiencing infertility should read this book.

— Gail R. Shapiro, EdM, President, Womankind Educational and Resource Center, Wayland, MA

As an adoption attorney, I see couples at the very end of the road. Unsung Lullabies has given me insight into why couples are so emotionally exhausted as they face their last hope of becoming parents. Reading this book has allowed me to understand the extent of their grief. The authors make it clear that there are many ways to become a parent and that the end goal can be reached even if people can’t have a child the ‘old-fashioned way.’ I highly recommend this book to any and all who have experienced infertility as well as to professionals in the field.

— Susan Romer, PhD, Attorney-at-Law, Law Offices of Adams and Romer, San Francisco

Unsung Lullabies helps infertile people and their family members and friends to better understand the profound impact which infertility has had on their lives and dreams of becoming parents.

Janet, Martha and David share perspectives that can enrich our personal and spiritual lives as we struggle to weather the storms of infertility. They bring hope that we can survive the roller coaster ride of emotions from the first diagnosis through to deciding when enough is enough and getting off the treatment merry-go-round to find peace and eventually joy again, even if parenthood may no longer be an option.

Importantly, we learn through their client’s stories as well as personal insights that we are not alone. Perhaps this resonates so well because they have also walked this journey with us.

— Sandra K. Dill, AM, Executive Director, ACCESS Australia Infertility Network; Director of iCSi, International Consumer Support for Infertility Network

“Infertility is a very real and painful problem in the U.S. today.

Couples may find themselves experiencing guilt, loss of control, anger, feelings of emptiness and sorrow as they focus so much of their attention on a goal: becoming parents. Unsung Lullabies takes a careful look at the emotional, social, and medical challenges and concerns related to the longing for a child. The multitude of emotions that are likely to occur are described in this touching and informative book. Drs. Jaffe and Diamond have also suffered from longing to have a child and they relate how their own experiences have shaped them personally and professionally which have helped them address their patient’s concerns and other couples with the emotional aspects of infertility.  Unsung Lullabies gives a deeper understanding of the psychological impacts of infertility and other reproductive crisis. Psychologists Jaffe, Diamond and Diamond describe ways to cope with marital and family relationships and readers can rewrite their own reproductive stories as they proceed through treatment. Readers of Unsung Lullabies may find some peace of mind as they start the healing process of their sorrows and wounds as they read this excellent book on coping with longing for a child.”

— Lori L. Arnold, M.D. F.A.C.O.G., Board Certified Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility

Endorsements above are for the publication: J. Jaffe, M. Diamond and D. Diamond, Unsung lullabies, understanding and coping with infertility, St Martin's Press, 2005. Copyright © 2004-2005 by the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All rights reserved.